Sharing an awesome opportunity for transformation

The 40 days-process starts January 1st 2015. It is free. It may be life-changing

http://www.teachersofgod.org/40day/

 

At last being with the ultimate agony

Waking up with the habitual agonized desperate feeling.

Blue: Sit up, please. If we do this while you are lying down, part of you automatically slip into its conditioned space-out mode. And what you are feeling is precisely the feeling of agony and desperation - and the belief that this has something to do with you. ( I wrote belie instead of belief :))

I start to breathe deeply into it and the release starts. Big sickness comes. “Very good. Now you have opened to this the old sickness too. You did not throw up during the oral abuse since you correctly perceived they would see it as an offense – from the insane level they are operating from.

…Now the hatred is felt – good …breathe it in, be with it, neutral energy, allow it to release. Angels are here in great numbers, blessing the work, blessing you, praising you for your courage.

Sickness again.

Sweetie, that is also his/their repressed sickness at understanding what they are doing to their victims

Immediately the sickness becomes acute, and then abates. Deep gratitude for this amazing release-process.

Let me remind you that in this dream we all have experienced everything – and everything has been “done” to us – and it has not touched Heaven and Who we are.

I breathe and release and become sick and it passes, again and again. The legs start to hurt. I am told to put my hands on them and breathe, and to remove the labels “legs” and “hurt.” It abates .I “see” legs being crushed in a medieval torture-device. “There is no guilt in you now – so there is no pain.” I surely feel strange and strong sensations in the legs – but without them being “my” legs, and without labeling, it is able to be experienced and released. The underlying gratitude is immense. -“Put all thoughts and ideas aside now – about who you are. Come Home to your Sacred Self.”

I sit in a timeless space of Presence

I find some people I have held energies from, and blessing come through me: “I bless you in your capacity to feel safe and free in your connection to your Sacred Self. I release these energies I have held as means of holding on to grievances. My mother, father, brother… I release you from the roles you have played and mirrored. I bless you in your capacity to discover hidden disgust and self hatred and release it for good…and be happy. Amen.”

And then.

I get up.

And for the first time in at least 40 years does my body not feel like a rotten corpse. It feels light as a feather.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Giving and trusting

It is so interesting to discover that the universe is playing with me about giving. Sharing with Kit today, I want to explore what happened after I went back inside my house after I had given away the 130 dollars. The ego thought at least that man should post a hot thankyou- letter in my mailbox – in short, I needed to have something BACK. As I sat with those feelings, we were aware that these were the false thoughts the ego feed us with – that just giving would be very unbalanced – make us vulnerable – we had to be sure that the other felt they owed us something back. WE also talked about Christmas – for me, there has always been a hidden agenda that if I give much. I will be more loved. -The more of these common beliefs we unearthed, the heavier energy we felt – until it felt like deep poisoning in the body and a huge pressure in the head. It grew and grew, until it suddenly spread out from a center in the brain and seemed to leave through both ears. When this happened in me, Kit reported that she felt very relaxed and sleepy.

Whatever seems chaotic and wrong and confused ends up perfect:

In the evening, I was going to a concerto with a favorite group of singers. The entrance light goes out – and I find a fear that I will feel very lonely driving alone. Immediately I spot the false thought and correct it – “I am always with You.” Light immediately on.

I exited at the wrong bus-station- I thought. No concert building. Ran back to the former bus-stop- nope – ran back to the first one and saw the place immediately right at the bus stop. It was invisible the first time. Weird. I was 15 minutes late, and the group had just started with the first song. Perfect seat waited for me. The concert was heaven. Just after the last song, I got an impulse to leave immediately and run for the bus. Complete confusion about which direction we would be going – and there comes the bus, I wave and it stops between two stops. A very smiling bus-driver- teacher welcomes me in, and says “you are a privileged guest.” Oh! We drive to the little town where I shall another bus home. Just as we enter the bus terminal, my bus comes in. The controller departs, laughs at me and says,” I wanted to get you home in time” and laughs. I enter the bus and the driver whiffs me away when I want to pay. I play with a Sudoku while we are driving – and discover that it seems I have made numerous mistakes. Still I fill in all the places, and it all turns out all is perfect there too -

“don’t’ believe in appearances” I hear -

what a weird and wonderful day

Open to give

Evening. Doorbell. Outside, young man with written sign: photo of him with pretty wife and adorable little girl – and a text that she needs money for operation of the brain.

He looks genuine. I am willing to be tricked, I want to follow the impulse to give, and I find some coins. He smiles and nods and leaves – and Blue says; give him 140 dollars.

Ooops.

I sit with it for about 10 seconds, and then I find the money and run out in the snow and dark with my slippers. He has just left a house nearby, and I run toward him. We can hardly see each others face in the dark. I ask him where he lives – he says in fluent English that he is Polish and lives nearby. I ask him why he has to pay for an operation, and I watch his face and energy as he explains that his daughter has already received two operations, all payed for by the state,but -

At this point I am filled with warmth and tremendous love.  I don’t need any explanation.He is speaking with soft voice, he is the real deal, he is not talking me into anything. Love exudes from him, kindness, honesty, humbleness  – I put the notes in his hand in the dark and tell him it is 140 dollars.  “God told me to give you this” I say…for 3 seconds we stand there, and he slowly understands, and something very heavy rolls off him. He looks me right in the eyes and nods. I run in again – it is COLD outside – and he calls after me, “Merry Christmas”

Yes

 

Precipice

Dream:

I am standing with a small group of people who I am leading by bike on the way home. We find ourselves on the top of a vertical mountain wall, at least 100 feet tall. 

I wake up with the awful feeling in my body – “we can’t get home.” I think of Carlos Castaneda who came to a precipice with his teachers Don Juan and Genaro, got the command “jump!” …and he did , and found himself transported to another landscape completely.

Suddenly it is clear to me that I am the dreamer – and I/choosing ego as my teacher/ dream up limitations between me and freedom – and then believe in the convincing appearance of what I have created – and the laws of the separated world I have created (“I” meaning the Son of God beyond time and space.)

Now I go to the mind and forgive my fear of love and my choice for separation – and Blue asks me if I am ready to look at and be with some of the blocks I have chosen to place between me and awakening? not needing to re-live – just being willing to be OK with all the images – and if I sense feelings in the body while doing this, just being with them?

Sure!

Really disgusting images come – they are experienced from Presence, easy to forgive and put on the altar – then there is an image of something I found disgusting about my mother at her deathbed. Blue is telling me to do something with it, and even though I think I will die from disgust, I do it – and suddenly my mother is alive and for the first time in my life she is completely present and blesses me and thanks me a thousand times – seeing what I did as a strong sign of love that brought her out of a limbo she has been living in since her death. A little like when the Prince awakened Princess Rosebud after 100 years sleep -

The feeling of being with her soul, free from her role as mother is exquisite

Drunk Angel

Standing in the queue for the cashier at the food-market. I am wearing a long skyblue knitted coat, and a gray knitted woolen scarf with pompoms.

A man in his 40-50ies is behind me, buying a 6-pack of beers and nothing else. Most of his teeth are missing, the rest are brown and look like a disaster area. He stinks – to put it mildly.

“Oh that is such a bloody fantastic wonderful coat! and that scarf! I LOVE people who stand out – oh that coat is fucking bloody fantaaastic!”

“I am happy it pleases you. You like colors.”

“Oh it’s amaaaazzing – bloody aaawesome” and he starts to stroke his hand slowly down my arm, caressing the soft wool.

I have fallen into the old habitual trance of being nice and 2 year old and not saying anything – but there is something so sweet about his energy, kind, loving, that I find myself just firmly saying ” don’t do that” and remove his hand.

Pause. In a low sad voice: “I did not mean to hurt you.”

“I know you didn’t. It’s just too close.”

“Then you just have to tell me that.”

“And I just did.”

“And that is OK” – smile

what is weird is that I know that these words do not come from an alcoholic – they come from kindness and complete soberness.

I know it is a classroom

People are not who we think they are

We then both noticed the very tired stressed young cashier and both started to praise her for her stamina, keeping her head clear in  this chaos, calling her a hero. She blossomed in front of us.

*

When I came home, I used the happening to allow my body to fully feel the feelings of shock and disgust and fear  – so long denied and repressed and rationalized – breathing through it and letting it go

Breaking through isolation

I am attending a teleclass with a phenomenal teacher, Zach Rehder – we are training in truly being with what we always have avoided. I couldn’t get through to him today in the class at the  web-conference – I heard that his line to me was shut off, and whatever I did to unmute myself, there was no movement.

So I mailed him, and he invited me to a short call – I shared the earlier decision to isolate myself and NOT be heard – he told me that my energy was opening up, and THEN I could sense it too!

A beautiful rush of spiritual purification showered through me – and writing about it here strengthens it – this IS the “new story” that Lisa Natoli told me I needed:

I am heard and loved, and it is witnessed-

we both laughed from joy

it is still here in me, moving

 

 

Alan Watts-video

Try and imagine what it will be like to go to sleep and never wake up.
Think about that
Children think about that
It is one of the great wonders of life
“What is it like to go to sleep and never wake up?”
And if you think long enough about that
Something will happen
You will find out among other things,
That it will pose a next question to you
“What was it like to wake up after having never gone to sleep?”
– Alan Watts

Enough -

A dear friend shares a story about her boy,7 years, who visited a friend last day and ate too much and threw up a lot in the night. Instantly I attach to the archetype of what I call “Child” in my book “When fear comes home to Love” -  the conviction that “I don’t have enough, I am not enough.” In Buddhist tradition, this is called Hungry Ghost: it HAS TO take take take eat eat eat to fill itself up – since it perceives itself as a vacant space – and this space is filled with the terrible belief and experience that I am separate from my own Self – God.

As humans, we have all experienced  incarnations being the hungry starving people we see in media. The skeletons from the concentration camps are us.We know  in our gut and soul how the body feels when it is malnourished – how terrible it feels to die of starvation – and what behooves us to know is also how strongly this physical starvation and hunger is connected to the belief “I am not lovable.”

And that sensation – those experiences – are all connected to the belief “I am a separate being – this is MY experience.” It firmly plants us in the belief that we are a product of a cruel God who dishes out punishment to someone – and this “someone” must surely been guilty of something, being punished in this way.

So when these old archetypal patterns move within us, we eat. We take that extra glass of wine. And there is no harm in doing that as long as we know what is really going on underneath: we are sucked into an archetype, we are acting it out by pigging out.

There is another image of God – and without that Holy Image inside us all, we could not create anything. WITH the unlimited created power God has given us, we create infernos of limitation and  lack – and we justify our belief that we are unjustly treated to take from others what we think is our birthright.

It IS our birthright – and there are no “others.” What we seek is RIGHT HERE AND NOW in our  loving Heart that we share with all.

My friend and I share the great joy and expansion that happens when we see that what happens with the boy is a remnant from an old story belonging to humanity. It is in the mind, it can be healed in the mind.

Blessings are POWERFUL beyond measure – I see the effects on them on people I meet. You know me and bus drivers – I bless the grumpy and desperate-looking ones with “I bless you in your connection with your joy and Self. I bless you in your memory of Who you are in Truth.” More than often,their desperate looks slide right off.

Now we can do the same with this archetype of hunger and lack when we find it inside( and we find it inside each time we think it is REAL and react to it:) I bless you/myself in your/my true connection to my Self as God’s beloved Child, forever loved,loving and lovable. I bless you in your memory of Who you truly are.

The power to (mis)create

There was a clear shift in my sleeping-pattern for some days – and then I took a glass of red wine for dinner, and bam I was back in doom and gloom. Much of that doom came from my own judgment of taking that glass – oh I shouldn’t have – yes I should, since I have had a great opportunity to watch my mind going into paroxysms of guilt and selfblame, and have truly experienced how scared the me-mind is  to lose its identity. I saw clearly the split parts: the nice and clever girl practicing the Course, and the hating suffering part still feeling exiled. After this I had a dream about having received 2 pretty Salmons for dinner – and they were not still dead, so I had to cut the their throat. I did, reluctantly – hating the killing part – and woke up, feeling that it was my throat that was cut. What a huge shock that was, and the pain – indescribable.

Was it the suffering-me-identity that was killed?

When the doomandgloom woke me up this morning, I called for help as always, and as the alignment with Truth gradually happened, I was shown that I have used the unlimited power to create, given me by God, to seemingly create the seemingly opposite of God – to truly explore it in all its variety, and also deeply experience the consequences of it. What is clear to me right now is that there CAN*T BE ANY OPPOSITE TO GOD . Is there truly WAS a REAL opposite, LOVE could be disputed- God would’nt be God.

I have truly experienced the effect of that belief in countless incarnations, and the Universe – the screen for my projections – has faithfully played it out to me, so very convincingly. But it is seen clearly that an opposite to God is impossible –  it is only a ridiculous idea, that I offer up for correction.

When I have dressed for the day, I get an impulse to call my doctor for a check on my thyroxine-level – and I hear: when you call the doctors office and are answered at the first signal, you can be certain that you do this WITH Me.”

Ha. I have been a patient there for 15 years, and use to sit and wait to be connected to the nurse for about 1/2 hour each time. They have an endless answering-message in the start too.

I call.There is one short beep and the nurse answers me.

I am flabbergasted.I order an appointment, and she tells me the waiting list is long. I don’t accept that at all, tell her that I need to check my thyroxine, and get an appointment in 3 days

*

Here is some lines from the introduction to the Course:

Nothing real can be threatened.
Nothing unreal exists.
Herein lies the peace of God.

This is how A Course in Miracles begins. It makes a fundamental distinction between the real and the unreal; between knowledge and perception. Knowledge is truth, under one law, the law of love or God. Truth is unalterable, eternal and unambiguous. It can be unrecognized, but it cannot be changed. It applies to everything that God created, and only what He created is real. It is beyond learning because it is beyond time and process. It has no opposite; no beginning and no end. It merely is.

The world of perception, on the other hand, is the world of time, of change, of beginnings and endings. It is based on interpretation, not on facts. It is the world of birth and death, founded on the belief in scarcity, loss, separation and death. It is learned rather than given, selective in its perceptual emphasis, unstable in its functioning, and inaccurate in its interpretations.

From knowledge and perception respectively, two distinct thought systems arise which are opposite in every respect. In the realm of knowledge no thoughts exist apart from God, because God and His Creation share one Will. The world of perception, however, is made by the belief in opposites and separate wills, in perpetual conflict with each other and with God. What perception sees and hears appears to be real because it permits into awareness only what conforms to the wishes of the perceiver. This leads to a world of illusions, a world which needs constant defence precisely because it is not real.

When you have been caught in the world of perception you are caught in a dream. You cannot escape without help, because everything your senses show merely witnesses to the reality of the dream. God has provided the Answer, the only Way out, the true Helper. It is the function of His Voice, His Holy Spirit, to mediate between the two worlds. He can do this because, while on the one hand He knows the truth, on the other He also recognizes our illusions, but without believing in them. It is the Holy Spirit’s goal to help us escape from the dream world by teaching us how to reverse our thinking and unlearn our mistakes. Forgiveness is the Holy Spirit’s great learning aid in bringing this thought reversal about. However, the Course has its own definition of what forgiveness really is just as it defines the world in its own way.

 

 

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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