Miracles

I recently an encounter with my neighbor – ca 85 years old.She vehemently refuses to receive assistance from health care, and is very frail – just does everything herself/alone. So I was there and tried to explain how preferable it would be to accept care in her home, instead in an institution – and this were when she screamed that I was dangerous and a murderer and GO! GO! and I went

I have thought myself to be a murderer when I was a bout 6 years old- really nasty traumas – and so I could use this and forgive. But the story just grew and grew, including the paranoia – she told me that she would tell all our neighbor how terrible i was – THAT was part of an old story too.
A Course friend gave me a session, which helped a bit – but the old stories became stronger and stronger, and just one hour ago I sat bawling and felt my feelings and gave them up and asked to see the truth.

I saw that these feelings of guilt were collective. I was willing to not take it personal – I sat with it, with this decision, and in that precise moment the doorbell rang.

It was my kind neighbor Ian who told me my old neighbor had went to the mall yesterday and fallen, and been taken to the hospital. My neighbors wife had just visited her, and she(the old one) asked her to give me a ton of thanks and greetings

That’s when i knew the old story was healed

Just writing this feels like standing in a shower

Now I can with a full heart – being absolutely certain – give up the old story: it is all been forgiven and released

The loving Heart

I have great respect for the work I have done the last 26 years in this life – and the strength in the archetypes that I have written about in “When fear comes home to Love” ( you may click on book in right menu to find out more.) The most common complaint this Leelah has, is this: “Whatever I do and experience of healing and realizations obviously are not enough to remove this all-powerful energy field, manifesting as huge pains everywhere and depression. And let’s not forget hatred and hopelessness and desperation. HOPELESS.”

Still, I have trotted along – most frequently remembering to trust the process.

The – shall I call it “madness”? returned with full power this morning. I sat down with it, asked for help, and suddenly the voices of Love were all there was.

“You know what this is: it is the old Leelah-child-identity. What hurts so much is your belief that you you ARE it – still. And the only way for you to give up this belief is for you to allow her to express whatever she wants – in your voice, out loud:) and just listen. Repeat back when needed. The more you experience that you ARE the big heart that holds is all, it will be impossible for the old energy-identity to claim that it is you.

Your one and only problem is your belief that you think you ARE this agony when you feel this agony. You know this too – right?

And each time you wake up – or lay sleepless the whole night – with these agony fields – is a shining possibility to turn TO it and thus claim your divine identity as Christ.

The Christ in you (all) has already healed everything. We remind you of that, again and again: you but see what has already happened. Be aware of this when your inner girl’s agony screams out to be heard: allow the feelings to rise – and now, safely anchored in the Christ consciousness that is your birthright. All It does, is to bless – and not judge. If you hear judgments, that is the little girl too – forgive them all, remember you are listening to an old tape from human consciousness that is healed the moment you listen without judgment.”

I went downstairs and opened my journal. This sketch lay on the page I opened. It is just a blob of colors on a paper-palette – and I noticed that I had made a figure and a story of out that blog years ago.

Here is “The Loving Heart” – or angel – holding the red bleeding wound/child/ close to the one Heart that we all share.

And more than anything, this is a God-sent sign that I CAN – and CHOOSE to – trust the process. When pain and depression comes,  my job is to turn toward it and love it: knowing I AM that LOVE.

blog

 

Puppet on a String

Welcome everybody! Take a seat. You too, father, I want you to sit down. This is not your group, you are not leading it.

Everyone: the task today is to notice your judgments about what is going to happen here – and see if you can let them go. If not, just notice that you want to keep it.

Yes, it is dark in here. No father, you really has nothing to say in here. And Ian – I will not have you lecture me on all I do wrong.

Out of the blue, a vast storm of meanness and vicious rancid lecturing, invectives and sewer language spews out of me. And then, my judgments: Ohmygod now you all see what a klutz I am, I can’t even find adult words, no control, no control at all how utterly pitiful…

Then the evening show starts:

On the wall, behind Father’s Chair, stage lights are appearing under the roof. A small girl – just a toddler – is suspended by a line and a hook that is slided from left to right. She is also bumped up and down, like in a mini-bungee – jumping as she slides toward the end of the line

This can’t be right? She’s just a little girl – where are the theater workers who set this up? No – where is the cruel director? How can they treat a small child like that?

Sit still, group, I will take care of it

“I am right here below you – if you fall, I will catch you “

Without a word she lets me know that she will proceed to the end of the line.

Her costume is cream and white – so delicate – she is one I love with all of me. As she is jumped from left to right, she becomes older – at the end of the line she is about 13 – and I watch her suddenly freeze to ice. There is no child present now – just frozen terror in a child’s form.

I loosen the hook and take her in my arms. I look her gently in the eyes, and gradually she comes back into the body and says, dreamingly “It is so strange how I suddenly became terrified.”

“You forgot that you were just a character in a play” I tell her, and we sit down in Fathers Chair. “You thought you were this girl on a string.”

“Is it over now? “ she asks.

“I have you now” I say. “You are my little girl, you know.”

My father’s face darkens. He looks away, and black puke violently pours from him. I remind the group to watch their judgments and let them go. Let it be. Let the black vomit come out. Let him purge himself.

It is shame. We all know it is. We have all been there. Eons of black asphalt dung shame. Its acidity erodes a hole in the floor, and he disappears down into it.

Or does he? There is a young man standing where The Father stood. An easel with a large canvas is before him, and he start to paint with precise strokes. He knows his excellence as painter.

We see:

Heaven. Vast and calm ocean, not even a slight ripple, mirrors the sky.Horizon almost invisible. Small white rowboat with two persons: father and daughter. Silently fishing on the big ocean of awareness

Off the Cliff

This moment in time -17th of August =3:28am -I realize that I do not any longer need to  – and want to – find the specific reasons for my sleeplessness,aches and pains. The ego has had a ball with this idea: the challenge of finding the specific thoughts that create the specific pain or fear in the nervous system it so intellectually satisfying – when I have found the cause, the symptoms most often disappear – which gives the ego a great boost.

I don’t need to  leaf through all these variations of fear any longer – through all incarnations – oh vey is mir – I have dutifully looked for them

I see that it is completely unnecessary

Big fear:” Being a detective gave you control. Now you have no control any longer.”

No: All appearances are the same – they have already been healed eons ago, you are ever only reviewing what has already happened.

An earlier chronic pain in the throat -gone for years – appears.

NO: I don’t allow this pattern any longer. I am not willing to listen to this fear and control voice any longer. I do not value it any longer.

Enough

How sweet: this enough comes from a vastly deeper level that the former ones

I see an inner image: it is a graphic print  I love of a person standing before a mirror – and it is called “the Dreamer”. I have another print by the same artist: an angel stands on the end of a cliff. It looks down, there is a white bird floating there – and the angel just stands there, frozen – in lack of trust of its wings

I just jumped

Who is jumping is who is receiving the jumper – softly gently welcoming her home

*

After this, a dream: I have lost the key to my last apartment before this house where I live now. This is where I lived with my husband before we separated – my life as Wife. I still pay rent for that apartment – I must get my belongings -

No – I have left it. There is no rent to pay

Miracle

Recently did a lot of traveling on trains, and practiced seeing the people that I came in contact with as Christ.

I discovered this thought as miraculous – again and again: “Holy Son of God, give me your blessing.”

A German family of 4 was settling in with me. A couple in their late thirties, with one little guy about 1,5 ,and an older brother, maybe 10-12. The mother looked paranoid, did not greet me, mumbled that these seats were impossible, they could NOT drive here. She looked like on the brink of falling apart.

The toddler was placed right across me, and started to kick my shin methodically and hard. It was easy to see that it was just nervous energy, but it hurt anyway so I asked kindly (while seething inside) if they could maybe move him. They looked like I spoke from a foreign planet.

Then I remembered: They are only mirroring what I have judged in my mind. A sweet calm came, and I heard myself thinking: “ Holy Son of God, give me your blessing” – becoming aware of their true nature.

It took maybe ½ a minute. Then the children stood up, the father removed the little hyperactive one and smiled at me. The mother stood up and walked to a window, her body radiated peace and great joy. She turned and looked at us – and me – and her smile came from Home. I sensed something old melting – the old paranoia maybe? And from that moment I thought this prayer, the 5 of us danced a perfectly choreographed dance: we were danced with. It was amazing to witness its beauty and the order of it.

My second seatpartner was a Japanese businesswoman with a travel-PC. She did not look at me, was frowning and busy, and outside the train was the most marvelous landscape. I prayed the same prayer. A seat beside us became free, she brought her PC over there, let her hair down, closed the PC and started to look out the window. What was so sweet was the feeling of connection between us – as we were really siblings and had known each other for always. We often looked across the aisle at the other and just smiled.

After coming home and having slept here 2 nights now, I wake up in the morning and notice the old familiar depression and gloom -and then, after just one second, it feels like a curtain is drawn away, and there is a field of calm and tremendous eternal JOY present.

Connection

First, to Misha: you replied to a post recently and told me “maybe e it’s time to start again” on your own blog and process.

Your comment is the ONLY ONE where I haven’t been able to delete the red sign, meaning it has been read and accepted.

By you:)

*

This day we start on week 21 in the 6 months certification program as Teachers of  God. Recently I have had my printer participating as a teacher – i get messages that the connection between PC and Printer has been broken. Recently I used one hour with a PS-specialist to find the error, nothing worked. Then alone, I found a power in me not being willing to be subjected to this nonsense from the ego: I see the connection PC and Printer  symbolizing  mind and manifestation.

This night was horrible -I am going to a 50-year party this evening and am not so happy with many people. I was starting to feel very sick, and caught myself serving excuses to the hosts – and told myself NO, I have made a commitment  to be there as a lightbringer – a Teacher of God. I do not have to preach, just being willing to see everyone as my Holy Brother, maybe caught up in the individual stories – but I am called to BE there as Truth – WITH Christ.

So now I am going on a little holiday – and wanted to print out this week’s class from Lisa. The PC told me the connection was broken again. There was about 2 seconds “Oh nooo not again” and then, no more of that nonsense. I want this connection to be working, I want these class-notes with me on the train to read and savor, no doubt about it.

And the printer delivered at once.

He walks with me. I have taken his hand. I take the steps in trust and faith.I declare my willingness and hold my center: everyone I meet is a Holy Encounter and i will remember it.

And I found this picture on facebook – and here am I, under water in lots of whirls  and above me, over water, is Christ, reaching out his hand

It has been taken :)

Take My hand

Take My hand

The Nice Girl

Dream: I have a client who is boundless manipulative. I sense this only energetically: there is nothing “wrong” with what she says, but all she does not say -everything going on under the surface of subliminal signs and signals.

I am possessed by an enormous rage I only experience in dreams. I hiss like a wild cat and grab her and scream “get out of my house!” Her body is strangely pliable, like rubber – I recognize this as a sign of the demonic, who’s very essence is MADE of our repressing and judging our feelings, needs and expressions.*

I wake up after the third screaming sequence – her expression is mean and threatening and she lets me know this will have consequences.

THANK YOU Holy Spirit for this dream! It does not take many minutes to recognize how I am the manipulating girl: it was a survival mechanism for my first 20 years. Now Grace has showed me the very make-up of it – very thorough work, this

Gradually I go deeper as H.S. is looking with me. There are layers:

First the terror at the abuse and insanity

Then, when I understand there will be no protection from this – and no comfort, no acknowledgment of what happens – I fall into a mode of survival: pleasing. I am “The Sweet Helpful Girl. “

Next time you meet a pleaser and cringe, be grateful instead – the cringe means that you have the same energetic pattern ingrained in your mind and nervous system, and now you can offer it up for correction and forgive it.

All of that sweet pleasing is covering up pure murderous rage – which has to be completely denied for both child and parents and siblings for the charade to continue. And since the hatred cannot be directed outward, it turns back on US.

The stage is set for grand manipulation.

No wonder we get sicknesses – being under such tremendous unconscious attack all the time. No wonder cancer could manifest inside this body that mirrored a mind that harbored so much self-hatred.

It is wonderfully releasing to realize this pattern – at last FEEL it as energy. As long as I unconsciously judge and repress this energy within me, it cannot be forgiven and released. And it will be mirrored back to me from outside, by people who pour their blame on me. That happens rarely to me these days, which is a nice sign

As I write this, I yawn and fart and tears comes, muscles twitch, more releasing

The manipulating girl in the dream – who comes for “therapy” to me – is of course me. I see her now, giggling – she has my face, which is proper. There is freedom and light in the image now

Her threat was real: it WOULD have had dire consequences for my health and well-being to allow this old pattern to wreak havoc any longer.

The beauty is: three times in my life -in my thirties – has people said that they feel something manipulative in me. That was done in a group therapy, and was always immediately denied by other participants who comforted me and told me not to mind these screwed up people.

No: they were absolutely sane, and honest, and brave to say this and then be attacked by the group. Their accusation was acutely felt – and I believe that if I never had been pointed to this, I may have overlooked it.

Thanks to Grace who always is thorough. When I offer my willingness to look, she really opens it up

*

More about this in  my book “When  fear comes home to Love” on this blog – and also ways to dissolve these  deeply unconscious demonic structures in our mind and nervous system.

The Aramaic Lord’s Prayer

I am listening to the Way of Mastery – deepenings at the One Who Wakes-website – and have lately sensed a huge resistance to BE with God, and especially the Aramaic version of Our Father. So I prayed to see what I have allowed to possess me – and I found one of the 10 archetypes I have found  and described in my book:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1491219904#

I have called it The Fascist

I have lately got a new student – she was born in a family with both communists and fascists, and I have helped her find the archetype so she can relate TO it and not FROM it

and this morning I realized that it was this archetype that – of course – detests Jeshua’s prayer

As soon as I realized this, I was free from merging and identifying with it, and I was filled with an intense desire to learn the prayer.
Here it is, i n English version:

The Aramaic Lord’s Prayer -

Pathway to the Christ Mind

Father-Mother of the Cosmos, Shimmering Light of All.

Focus your light within us as we breathe your Holy Breath.

Enter the sanctuary of our hearts,

uniting within us the sacred rays of your Power and Beauty.

Let your heart’s desire unite heaven and earth

through our sacred union.

Help us fulfill what lies within the circle of our lives today.

Forgive our secret fears as we freely choose

to forgive the secret fears of others.

Let us not enter forgetfulness, tempted by false appearances.

For from your astonishing Fire comes the Eternal Song

which sanctifies all, renewed eternally in our lives,

and throughout Creation.

We Seal these words in our hearts,

committed in trust and faith. Amen.

Here you can listen to different versions.  The one I resonate most with is Sparo Vigil’s

 

Oh, the innocence and presence of it

 

 

Mind

Mind

I took the mind out of the PC and put it on the table. It quickly coiled up like a wreath cake, sensing it was up for scrutiny. I tagged at its bottom coil and said “ I know what you are up to. Twit.”

It threw a mean glance at me: “ I am just here to warn you of errors” it hissed, “I am doing my sour job to make you satisfied. “

“Oh pooh” I said, you are lying all the time,: “This page will not close” – “This document will not save” – how many times have I seen that, and then it unfailingly closes and saves! Truth is, you just love to be a scary-billy.”

The mind grumped and coiled the other way. “There’s no way pleasing you, Master” it sulked. “Isn’t it better though to warn a little overeagerly instead of the other possibility?”

“Don’t sweet-talk me” I said, “I simply cannot trust you and will dismiss you henceforth”

The mind gave off a foul stench, held its breath and pushed – and poof, suddenly there were hundreds of mind worms. Clever idea, but I knew better than to let appearances scare me: quick as lightening I programmed the offspring to sing. It now sang to me in an innocent voice “take a breather from the PC, take a lovely walk instead.” It tried to come up with a rhyme-line but failed.

I scooped the offspring up into a bowl and into the juicer, and juiced the mind thoroughly. I then watered the ugly plant my neighbor enjoyed to pamper in his garden and it just happened to wither and die.

Mind can be really toxic, it can

But there are no more faulty errors reporting. None

Big Ship Coming – get out of the way

There seems to be something BIG looming on the horizon.

Big creative processes have come to an end:

My manuscript is finished. I will have it back from my editor in September. My first fiction-book!

A soul-gift I have prepared for a friend’s 50 years birthday – which I have working with for 6 months is just finished.

I do not know what lies ahead for me, but it is big

The sharing-sessions between Kit and me  on Skype go right down to the essential: “you are the sky – the rest is just weather”

Sensing in our body how we are taken out of the Now each time we believe in the stories our ME brings up – all the weather – and the repeated discovery of how the Sky is eternally the same, and the sweetness of it

The Now becomes rigid, becomes TIME = past and future, regrets and fear – each time this “person”, this bundle of habits, is given the reigns

We were talking about listening to false ideas and believing in them and  there was a big noise from her place in the city:  a plane, very close  – I experienced it as a symbol of what we were talking about: listening to – not a bird, the symbol of a messenger of spirit. but a mechanical bird – a  man-made “lie”

and in that second I was given the thought “You manifested this”

No, Kit and Leelah did not – but Spirit did – and It also let me know: look out. there will be many more, and powerful. This is the manifesting power of the unified mind.”

Strong emotions coming up lately: wild rage – sitting with it – mixed it with a me and “story” and felt awful – remembering to just witness it as energy, the wild animal we all have inside – my wild black puma stretched herself out in the sun and purred a mighty purr and smiled at me

More and more watching. more and more tenderness – and moments where suddenly some wild energy pours through me and seem to control me completely – but it lasts short -

I visited my homeopath and teacher today – he has given me Sulphur 1m and it feels perfect. And while he was going into stories of himself, I was noticing that I did NOT feel invaded: I listened closely, quite outside of the habitual mode of prison and anger, and commented from a new and wake state

I told him I had no idea about which direction I was going, but it felt awesome and solid and powerful – I just was “a little confused” right now -

Then: two huge sound-signals. I asked him what that was: he told me that there was  a BIG ship  signaling to a little ship that it had to move. The big one could not move out if its direction – so the little one had to, not to be crushed.

We looked at each other and smiled. I told him that now I could relax and stop trying to control my days – I just needed to get out of the way when I was told to:)

the hug today was SO good :)

In the garden behind the old house where he works, our Kabbalah group planted a tree as a start of 7 years deep process. I noticed today how tall and wonderful it was, and gave it a long hug. We felt very close :)

I walked down to the  City to get my pills. A BIG policeman guided me past two big blocks into the street where  the Ministry of Foreign Affairs had its offices. A shiny black car stopped in front of the block, a window opened and a gray-haired man held  out a hand with an ID. It was thoroughly inspected. The one block that I thought was made of cement was lifted off: it was made of plastic. The car drew through the blocks, and was stopped again 10 feet ahead by another policemen wanting ID. I smiled to the policeman, he smiled back. Some big visitor is obviously expected, and there seems to be fear of terrorism.

I will lift the blocks to Truth when It comes

nothing can stop it

It can’t be killed

*

In town, I found a very very small garden inside a stone-desert.Here it is:

The Garden

here you can see HOW small it was – and how adorable

DSC01381

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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