Help or arrogance

I see it almost every minute – this belief ” I am a worthless shit if I don’t help others” – meaning that there is a hidden comparison there – and I am obvious higher than them. More spiritual :::giggles:::And the belief runs in my blood – its’ on automatic

I write about this false helper-archetype in “When fear comes home to Love” – see book in right menu. I call it Bird – after the big bird that appeared in my painting you can see on the cover. Feeling like a turd, it has claimed its identity as a savior of the world – but it saves from an ego-identity – not as its Christ mind.

I -as  Leelah – can only help in a loving way if she steps back and allow Spirit to help through her. That means that true help will only be valuable to the helpee if I help from an inner prompt from the Heart – everything else is arrogance, based on the premise that it is valuable to compare myself with the other.

Each time I see beggars now, it is a lovely possibility to step back and wait for the prompt – give or not give money. And if I am not prompted to give money, I can give a smile.

I have noticed that the beggars who smile at me first – truly from the heart – always get money:)

Poop on the window and in the mind

When I walked into the kitchen today, there was a big human poop glued to my window, with toiletpaper hanging down from it.
January 1 2013 somebody threw a big stone through my entrance door. Much healing and insight came from that – and it feels like this is second chapter, one level deeper: what does this mirror inside me?
A deep deep feeling of unworthiness – I am only a shit -  Jesus tells me that the reason it comes to me from outside is that I have judged this feeling from inside, and therefore made it real.
I am currently following Jeshua’ channellings to Jayem - ” Way of Mastery” – you can find them here, on John Mark Stroud’s website where he, after an agreement with Jeshua/Jayem, help people deepen their experience with what Jesus says. I am using his forgiveness-instructions – and for the first time it FLOWS, it is easy.

So in this case with the poop-thrower, it was easy to sit down and do this exercise (I wrote it down myself when listening to the audio:)

“Observe what pushes your buttons. If you can stay with it, it will reveal to you the energies that are in need of your forgiveness.

The technique is quite simple. As you go through your day, observe when you are in contraction. Shallow breath, tight muscles…does your voice become faster and louder when you speak about someone else – that is a sign that you need to do healing within yourself. When you recognize that these kind of signs are going on – in other words life has presented you with an opportunity to be disturbed – that is a sign that there is something that requires healing. So therefore count it a blessing. Turn your awareness from what you think has caused you disturbance. Remember the first Axiom: “I am the Source of my experience.” I am feeling disturbed. What is it in me that needs to be healed?” Begin to breathe deeply with the body, and rhythmically . let the body soften and relax – and ask: “What is it in this person’s energy that is really pushing my buttons?”

Please replace “critical” with self-hating

Your memory will come back – distasteful memories if you are judging them. Let them come back. continue to breathe and relax, look upon that energy of being critical, honor, love it – it is a creation. It is your creations coming back to you, that you may embrace them and transform them. And in that example, just stay with it, look at it – “Ah, being critical, I know that energy very well.” Look upon a scene in the memory where you have been critical. Look upon it with deep honesty and sincerity. And say to yourself:

“I forgive myself for being critical. I forgive my judgment of myself. I choose to teach only Love.” Watch that energy disappear from your mind, dissolve from your mind, and bring yourself back to the present moment and that person who just pushed your button. Again, you don’t need to say anything at all, or you might – but within yourself, forgive them for allowing the energy of being critical to temporarily make a home in the mind.

And merely ask the Holy Spirit to replace your perception with the Truth.

Ask to see the innocent light within them. As you cultivate this, you’ll become very very good at it. You’d be able to do it fast. And once you begin to see the light in them, you can ask the Holy Spirit, “what is this critical energy in me masking – what are they really crying out for?” And then you will feel compassion, and it will be revealed to you why they are hurting inside. And lo and behold – instead of being reactionary with them, you just might be compassionate. Your own words will turn out to be different. And through you will be channeled exactly what serves them.”
*
So he is just “me” – the Son who has forgiven his true Origin and believed he must be punished.
It is not serious:)
Oh yes,, that is something else John Mark has suggested which has been tremendously effective for me: Place an imaginary red clown nose on everyone you see.

It is simply impossible to avoid seeing that this is a dream

Jeshua’s Forgiveness processes

I  have listened to Jeshua – channeled by Jayem -  on this free down-loadable audio yesterday, and find it illuminating. : One Who Wakes – WOM Lesson 03 – “The Power of Forgiveness.”)

http://www.onewhowakes.org/wom-mp3/

Suddenly forgiveness was simple♥

Here is Jeshua speaking on Forgiveness. I have written it down as well as I can – but my main language is not English, so please forgive any glitches.

“The judgment is in the memory – here – now. To be undone. I am going to choose again. Look upon a scene where you judged another person or yourself. This is coming as a gift – to be undone by forgiveness -to undo the effect of your previous choices. Now, make a new choice.

Look at it. Stay with it. Recognize how judgment worked at that time. And then, say to that person or that event:

“I judge you not. I extend forgiveness to myself for what I have created. I embrace you and I love you and free you to be yourself. And I bless you with the blessing of Christ.” Then see that image or memory gently dissolve into Light until there is no trace of it left – and be done with it.

If I hurt somebody when I was small and they were small – they are still here in my mind. All minds are joined. It means that whenever you extend forgiveness inside your consciousness, your emotional field, to another – whether they be physical present or not – you are extending to them as if they were physical present in front of you. Even if they were – they still have to receive it, don’t they. They still have their choice to make – whether to accept it or to remain in judgment of you, and that is their issue. Not yours.

Understand then that you are dealing with consciousness. You are not a physical being. You are Spirit. And you are intimately linked with all minds at all time. Therefore forgiveness can occur any time you decide that it can occur. Anybody you think that has wronged you can be forgiven by you this very moment. Any judgment in this or other moments – you can undo them by simply making another choice.
Rest assured you will proceed to project on others what remains unforgiven within yourself. Each time you react to another, you have been given a sign that there is some kind of energy within you that is presented to your awareness that you have not forgiven within yourself.
If someone is critical and it pushes your buttons, every time they are critical, rest assured you have not healed that part of your own beingness, that part of being critical of others. You have still not forgiven yourself, whether this is just now or a returning pattern for having identified with that energy.

Observe what pushes your buttons. If you can stay with it, it will reveal to you the energies that are in need of your forgiveness.

The technique is quite simple. As you go through your day, observe when you are in contraction. Shallow breath, tight muscles…does your voice become faster and louder when you speak about someone else – that is a sign that you need to do healing within yourself. When you recognize that these kind of signs are going on – in other words life has presented you with an opportunity to be disturbed – that is a sign that there is something that requires healing. So therefore count it a blessing. Turn your awareness from what you think has caused you disturbance. Remember the first Axiom: “I am the Source of my experience.” I am feeling disturbed. What is it in me that needs to be healed?” Begin to breathe deeply with the body, and rhythmically . let the body soften and relax – and ask: “What is it in this person’s energy that is really pushing my buttons?”

Your memory will come back – distasteful memories if you are judging them. Let them come back. continue to breathe and relax, look upon that energy of being critical, honor, love it – it is a creation. It is your creations coming back to you, that you may embrace them and transform them. And in that example, just stay with it, look at it – “Ah, being critical, I know that energy very well.” Look upon a scene in the memory where you have been critical. Look upon it with deep honesty and sincerity. And say to yourself:
“I forgive myself for being critical. I forgive my judgment of myself. I choose to teach only Love.” Watch that energy disappear from your mind, dissolve from your mind, and bring yourself back to the present moment and that person who just pushed your button. Again, you don’t need to say anything at all, or you might – but within yourself, forgive them for allowing the energy of being critical to temporarily make a home in the mind.

And merely ask the Holy Spirit to replace your perception with the Truth. Ask to see the innocent light within them. As you cultivate this, you’ll become very very good at it. You’d be able to do it fast. And once you begin to see the light in them, you can ask the Holy Spirit, “what is this critical energy in me masking – what are they really crying out for?” And then you will feel compassion, and it will be revealed to you why they are hurting inside. And lo and behold – instead of being reactionary with them, you just might be compassionate. Your own words will turn out to be different. And through you will be channeled exactly what serves them.”

( Comment from Leelah: here is the link to the audio: One Who Wakes -

WOM Lesson 03 – “The Power of Forgiveness.”)

http://www.onewhowakes.org/wom-mp3/

What I have written down is from ca 68:00. Do yourself a favor, please listen to the very end – Jesus shares his instant forgiveness process with the man who was about to drive the nail through his hand. You will not want to miss it.

Resistance – a door to Heaven

Had a great regression session yesterday with a friend. The guidance coming through me was so loving and light-filled, and my friend released guilt and false beliefs.

The night was filled with tremendous cramps, and the morning after it felt like I was manipulated by pure hatred and contempt. I was well aware that I am not a victim of this – somehow I must believe that “this” is valuable and to be preferred over God’s Love. Amazing, but there it is: What we believe to be true, we create – and we create it WITH God’s immense power.

What is the gift in this? What is the opportunity to see here?

I go to Jayem’s website and there’s the answer:

Take a breath or several, and say out loud… ‘this obstacle is coming up for healing now.  Thank God!  It will hinder me no longer!’  Take a breath, observe what you feel, and repeat, until you notice the nervous system feels ‘complete’, as it settles in as truth. And healing is a release from the trapped energy that “holds” us away from the Self/Christ Mind. Stay with the terms exactly as they are given, and ALLOW these stuck places to emerge, breathe, and feel.  This alone will carry you into new illuminations about what these terms signify.  In short, Jeshua is a masterful teacher, and NOTHING he says, or terms chosen, is ever by accident.  Trust the teacher to carry the student into and through what the student has not found his or her way through as yet. You will recall from ACIM that He accomplished the Atonement, and thus it is done for us already.... now it’s just our willingness to accept or melt away into the truth He manifested

I had a session with Kit, and we talked about what happens when we “quarrel with reality.” Pain and discomfort, unexpected glitches, sickness and so on – as long as I believe it should not have happened, I am stuck in my endless stories about it and cannot see it with Christ’s loving vision. I realize that as long as I seem to be inside that maelstrom of cramps and pain, there is no trust at all in a Love that can embrace me AND the pain.

It is also clear that this pain – and whatever fuels it in my mind – must be allowed to have a space, without condemning it – or me.

So I have to know: there is a time to just BE WITH “hell” – and there is a time when to do the work I do in my work with regressions: supporting people to find out, with their own guide and Master at their side, what they are believing about themselves, and therefor are imbuing with guilt and self hatred. It is THIS that fuels ANY pain we have: what we tell ourselves about what we experience. The experience itself is always neutral – and only when we start our stories about it, with “me” as the main role, the tremendous power that God has given his Holy Son = US – flows through the story we have made: because we tell ourselves that we are right, and our perception is true.

NOT.

If pain is involved, it simply isn’t.

For healing to happen in our mind, it is not enough to “know” what happened mentally – we need to experience forgiveness go through us.

What I see myself telling myself – constantly, like a stuck tape – is: “I CANT MAKE IT through this pain. I simply cannot “get there” – “there” being where freedom and forgiveness and Love is.

There is an abysmal grief inside this – and THIS is what I want to BE with.

As I stated in the start of this blog – I write this mainly for myself – and you will see me visiting the same places until I get it.

If somebody else can benefit, I am happy.

Nice PC-magic:Right now “Systems mechanics” gave a message that an important installation is up for downloading. I clicked the download-button, and an ugly sound and sign told me that this was impossible to do. I recognized the mirror of the big resistance I am writing about here, and instantly allowed it to be here, forgiving myself and embracing myself for being right here, now. 5 seconds later a new sign – as if nothing had happened: “ Are you willing to install the new download now?”

These electronic signs from Jesus are such gifts. Humoristic, and SO elegantly timed. The minute I accepted being with the resistance, without listening to the threatening stories about being stuck in hell, hell melted and the new download happened.

 

Sitting with Christ

Everything that has hurt you, you have done out of the belief that you are not safe, not connected to me .Ask me to correct the belief that you are not safe.

When you are becoming aware of any dread of “obligation:” that is just fear speaking. Just brush it away.

I want you to call me Joy today: Causeless Joy, CJ. Do everything WITH me. Sense every molecule to be JOY.

Yes – this is the shift in identification: not from dread and guilt, but from Joy.

I see some tiny morsels at the table and feel I have to brush them away to feel peaceful and safe. Now don’t judge yourself” giggles CJ - Just brush with me. – Look – are they not perfect morsels? So delicate – so innocent?

Indeed they are. One little morsel is a miniature plant of about 2mm.I just need to look with love to see the wonder of it. I remember an artist friend who made a little book about dust and “morsels.” I saw that they were really galaxies – looked at with eyes of wonder.

Can you let everything be as it is, just now?

Can you allow it to be enough?

Thoughts about role-playing and our Divine Choice

Thoughts about role-playing….to my readers, and to  dear Neil whom I soon will have a Skype-session with ( please notice the new Services-page.)

In reality, we humans love each other. We love each other so much that we agree to take on obnoxious roles, so that we during our incarnation are being given the lessons we need to see through the dream and wake up. And it’s like at the restaurant: we are not served food that we have not ordered.We have used the infinite Power that God gave us, to order scenarios: I chose to explore abuse,violence and insanity – and I ordered it to come in a mix with artistic mastery,musicality and a sense of authority.Through his effect on me, I was forced to deal with the consequences that  all victims have in common – fear-patterns and the archetypes they constitute.

You can read the results in “When fear comes home to Love” in the right menu.

The real gift was having to find the only thing that could heal it for good: TRUTH, and its companion radical forgiveness, as A Course in Miracles teaches it.

Without my father’s role in my family, I would not be free. Without your family – and wife – being exactly as they are, you would not be given the gift of going through this tough period, and learning about the patterns it has presented for you.

I’d like you to set the intention for the session: What do you really really want to come out of it – to the benefit of everyone involved? What does your heart yearn for? What is the feeling you want to have after the session?

We are coming together in the name of Christ, our Holy Self., to allow Him/It to work through us.

“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18-:20. You are invited to set the intention to give the process of this release and healing completely in H.S’s hands – and intend that you wake up the morning after, feeling happy, knowing that the healing has been done – just because you asked for it. Now your part is to trust the process, and trust your inner Guide.

Jesus tells us in the Course that it is all about joining. So your healing benefits me too – and the rest of humanity. Any healing pattern in the One Mind is available to us all.

I’d invite you to also release any doubts, like there are degrees in difficulties when it comes to your theme for healing – any belief that you need to know specific details in order for this to work.

Remember – healing is instantaneously. In fact, it has already happened by your willingness, says the Course. It is only psychologically that we have to tell each other all the things we things we need the other to hear and have the other validate them. Nothing wrong about that – but it presupposes that time is real.

I also intend to have lots of fun and laughs :)

 

 

 

 

Introduction to a marvelous process: 40 days

Christ’s vision

“Am I safe?”

This was the first question John Mark Stroud – One who wakes”from “The Way of Mastery” asked me to ask my Heart/Guidance in our Skype-session. I was asked to go into the Heart and allow guidance to answer me – and he would check if the answers I got were the same that he heard inside. They were. “YES” was the smiling answer from the Heart. This was not debatable:) I sat a little while in that feeling of being safe – or rather, as the One who IS safety.

Then the night came – worst than ever. I had breakfast and my morning Yogi Tea. The label told me: “Stay pure in the midst of impurity.”

Then I called out pr mail to John Mark in the morning. He answered:

“So when you touched and truly felt that I AM SAFE feeling it caused all that within your being that says NO I AM NOT to come flying up into your awareness. If you will allow it the fear will pass out of your being and the I AM SAFE (continue to focus on this) settle in as your truth. The transition can be uncomfortable.

 To Love and embrace is to allow ALL things in peace, coming to see the neutrality of ALL energies. What we abandon is the ego’s judgments of those energies…as you said “really nasty “fear-imprints/thoughtforms/energies” ” It is not the energies that are the issue it is our relationship/resistance to them and the resistance arises only from ego. Of course you know what we resist persists. That is what we abandon the resistance and the egos interpretations and judgments of all things. The “I Am Safe”  or Christ part of you is always present and always at peace no matter what’s going on inside or outside. That is what all are invited to awaken to but we must first dis-identify or abandon our identification with the ego in order to truly awaken to and embody Christ and live and experience creation thru Christ’s vision.”

As my long-time readers will have noticed, this is what I have believed meaning that I do something wrong in my practice and process.

No – it has meant that after having great mind/heart-openings, this have caused “all that within your being that says NO I AM NOT to come flying up into your awareness.

So last night, I knew I wanted to welcome it.I choose to do it, choose to BE the One who receives. There were no difficulties at all. There were a deep tenderness toward all of fear,confusion and pain, and great great gratitude.

Later in the night I woke up, feeling a peculiar inner itching all over – and some relatives’ relationship came into view. After a couple of seconds of hesitation I knew that allowing this to be there – without having any idea about what to do about it  – was all that was requested.

What happened was a clearing of “my” perception to Christ’s Vision.

A cosmic experience started. I saw, in a timeless now, all and everything in my family that were my projections. All of my relatives had played roles I had starred them in, to be showed what was in MY mind. I HAD CREATED THIS, with the Power God has given His Son.

The process was seen as flawless in its perfection: I saw that all the darkness was included, that had to be there for this one – “me”  – to find What was more powerful than that darkness, and identify with That instead. Faces and details of memories/stories were presented, I could smile to everything, laugh at the utter perfection of all the “insane” happenings that made out this magnificent tapestry of imagery and symbols.

“Forgiveness IS the way from the mind to the Heart” said John Mark yesterday.

In my Heart – the One Heart we all share -  is a multitude of Light-beings who just want to share Love for me. They tell me the more I accept and allow, the more Love there is to share.

I now understand why it was just possible to receive just a little the first time I did this – the subconscious knew about the darkness it would bring up. Not  from “my” mind – from the vast collection store-house of insanity in the split mind of the human.

The Miracle came the moment I choose – truly choose to BE THERE as Love for all this denial of Love.

There is so much Joy available in me now

 

Hugging it instead of judging it

Skype sharing with Kit. Our common theme is an old trauma about becoming visible to others – and a tremendous fear about all of that. We realize that peace does not come from fixing this/understanding this – willingness is all it takes-willingness to allow Love to come to this theme, this old hidden wound in the mind
When Kit worked with the theme, I could “see” that as soon as she could allow herself to give “a hug” to the fear/trauma-area in the body -without doing any fixing at all – a channel was opened between the heart and the wound.
When it was my turn, I remembered an ongoing difficult situation between my daughter and me. Frequently when speaking to her , I feel a huge block in my brain – the words simply are not there. That makes me very nervous, and I do my “best” to find the words – in reality, I am resisting the block itself – instead of just mentally giving it a hug.
Oh the pressure.
I have told her many times that I lose my words – but I have never allowed myself to just BE with the wordlessness. It feels quite OK to do that, the next time we meet.
Kit and I agree that we see that all of this is HELD. Contained.
God holds this space the moment I chose to allow it – am willing to allow Love into it.
Suddenly I know what the real fear is about: it points to a belief that I have lost connection with my daughter on the spiritual plane. I see her and her husband as living a very materialistic life – but that is of course just my perception.
Kit: “What is right about this situation that is difficult to catch sight of?”
…Ahhh…I see that she and I have worked so wonderful in so many incarnations, and now we are mature enough to allow this last seeming hurdle to come up to be healed: the seeming break in spiritual connection. I see that this is something that I shall leave completely in God’s hands – I shall not mention it at all to her.
Trust. Willingness to allow Love to come into it. No resistance at all to the situation. Whatever plays itself out between us IS OK.
Oh. Maybe I will lose all contact with her. There is a nasty fear about that, lurking.
Ohmygod …she is a projection – I fear to lose MY connection to God
I have used her – I have used her this life – I have told myself – and her, subconsciously: “I am dependent on YOU to be able to feel God’s Presence. And THAT I believe in!
Now tears are cascading – I talk to my daughter : “ I cannot reach Him without you!”
Kit: “Ohh – Leelah -”
I feel a release as soon as I hear her say my name. She tells me she needs to say it. I cry from the bottom of my heart, from the agony of believing I MUST NOT lose contact with my daughter. My mind screams that if I lose contact with her, Satan instantly takes over. I have told myself that M is my ONLY lifeline to God.
Kit reminds me that these are scary thoughts only – “just thoughts that you believe in, but with no truth at all.”
Just neutral thoughts
Wild relieved crying
“Ohmygod, what an iron grip I have held her in subconsciously – the role as my one and only savior – no wonder she won’t talk about God …now an age old child voice inside me expresses itself with a vengeance: “If you won’t do this for me, I will DIE and it is YOUR FAULT!”
Ah. Listening to this agonized crying from myself, I see there’s no wonder there is often so much hate and anger between us. But this hatred is not connected to anything real and true at all between us. It just originates from my belief that she has to have that role to “save” me.
Kit: Leelah – how wonderful it is that you see this so clearly.
And I cry and cry that it is allowed to feel how I feel and have these beliefs, even though they are screwed up.
A new agonized crying about how difficult and scary it is to say “God.”***
Kit asks if this wave of emotions related to “God” can just be allowed to BE here too – just another thought, believed in. “You can just let it come, just receiving it. You just got scared again because of believing in those thoughts.”
Immediately peace when I recognize that all these thoughts are false. Not serious at all! And just wonderful that Kit reminds me about it. Another thought: “When you see M again, everything will be just as before.” It is full of hatred – and Kit suggests that I give it a hug
That’s what it needs. No judgment, no preaching. Just Love. It is so good for that thought to be allowed to be just as nastyhatefulrageing as it is.
In the second I have this last realization, a sign opens on my PC – (the italics are mine)
Iolo System mechanics: Fight stubborn PC (programmed mind) freezes and errors. Many chronic restarts, freezes and other frustrations can be fixed easily with Registry Tuner ( aligning with Truth)
HAH!”System mechanics.” Another name could be Holy Spirit
And the whole emotional storm just wanes and lies down like a cat in the sun.

 

***Absolutely every one of my hundreds of patients/students have felt the same way – and that’s why I could use the material of 25 years of investigation in my book “When fear comes home to Love.” You may look at it in the right menu.

 

 

 

 

 

Healing music

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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