The central pain around the heart and lungs has the last 2 days expanded. This night, as so many before, it feels like I am done for – and I find all my willingness to see, search for, ask to be shown, what is the value I hold on to, since this is still here? I want to see what I THINK is valuable about this horrific pain.
I allow myself to sink deep into the place where I can hear the answer
It is very quiet and unobtrusive: “You think it is God.”
I see the equation “Insane – intruder – stalker – terrorist -out to murder = God
Yes – this is what Ken hammers in to us: the importance of truly realizing how much we unconsciously believe in a god who wants to destroy us, since we think we succeeded in leaving him.
The belief that separation is possible, with its symbols of attacker and victim and all the fear-structures and images in that story, is what Fred and I have acted out.
Is the belief of an insane avenger-God of value to me??
It is of value to the ego.The false self’s attempt on running away from the avenger-god it believes in, “proves” that it is real. If it is in danger, it is real. Ego loves fear: it IS fear.
Now the terror in your mind has to be projected outside of you: on Fred now – so you can escape the awareness of the guilt, sin and attack thoughts in your mind. Now it is projected on a screen as a place where the Son of God, forgetting Who He is, “hides” in a body, and a place where the very essence of its thought system is one of killing and eating each other, and where dying starts as soon as you are born. Beloved, is there really a value in holding on to your own fantasy? Running away from a monster? Would you be willing to see that you simply are wrong in these ideas?
I am so happy to be wrong in this!
There is no value in holding on to the belief in a cruel God, a cruel insane attacker in the mind. Without these beliefs, there is no separate me. Right now, there is a clear will and intention of withdrawing the power I have given to this false idea that separation is possible. I allow You to show me how very wrong I am.I allow Truth to be true.
All the deep pain and tensions around the heart and lungs have gone.
It is a deep relief in seeing that all of that is there just as a reminder that I think it is necessary to run away from the monster-image of God
I could see peace instead of this – todays’ lesson